When I write I hold two personalities in tension. There is the self-assured son of a bitch Jeff Hess who is arrogant in the way I imagine surgeons are arrogant, certain that they, and I, know what will happen as the scalpel begins to slice a living person. And there is excitedly terrified Jeff Hess jumble processing exactly how I’m going to kiss Kay Byrd at the school dance.
I believe in the first, but I cannot forget the second. From that tension, that process, comes fiction.
This morning I watched a master at work. A writer with a Pulitzer Prize in fiction sitting down cold and writing.
I thought I was going to observe craft, in way I’m sure that golfers watch Tiger Woods. Looking for the nuance. Searching for the angle of a wrist or head. Trying to steal that which makes Tiger Woods Tiger Woods.
What I saw was the making of sausage.
In our culture, the making of sausage has become a trite way of saying you can’t handle the truth.
I remember reading Vardis Fisher’s Mountain Man in high school and the one scene, the one image I have from that book more than 35 years later is of the main character making sausage.
The world would be a better place if we all more closely observed the making of sausage.
But I’m talking about writing here and what I did this morning was to watch a two-hour video of Robert Olen Butler write 429 words of a short story.
This is an educational experiment that Butler conducted at the end of October and into November of 2001. For two hours on 17 consecutive evenings (he takes Saturday nights off), Butler sits down in front of a video camera and writes, and describes for the camera the process of his writing.
I’m fascinated.
At about 80 minutes into this first video, Butler wants to describe the way an aeroplane flown by Earl Sandt in 1913 moves at a critical moment in its flight.
At first Butler writes reer. And then he makes a bit of sausage by allowing us to see him consult a dictionary and discover that there is no such word; that the word he thinks he wants is rear, to rise up violently.
He’s dissatisfied with that image and next tries shimmied. But after he consults his Merriam-Webster he discovers that the word does not come into use until 1919. And so Butler goes in search of another and reaches for his thesaurus; a Pulitzer-Prize winning writer not only keeps a thesaurus on his desk, he consults it.
But he gets no help there.
He likes the horse image — the juxtaposition of the 19th century horse with the 20th century aeroplane — and reaches for other equine words.
At this point I’m shouting at my computer (on which I’m watching the video): Quivered, the word you want is quivered!
And when I see him type first a q and then a u I want to pump my fist yes! I’m editing a Pulitzer Prize winner (remember that arrogant son of a bitch part?). But an a follows the qu and the word Butler types is quaked and the sentence comes out:
…the plane quaked a little, like a nervous horse, but Earl kept him steady, kept him coming forward and I felt us all ready to cheer again.
The artist at work is an awesome experience.